Showing my face August 1, 2009

Want my list of excuses? Some are better than others!

Until last Sunday, we were in Hilton Head, and that would be the second vacation on which I found it harder to work out (yoga or running) than I thought I would.

Monday I decided to give myself a day to sleep in after our vacation.

Tuesday I thought I’d wait for Allen to go to the ATM that day in order to take out some cash for me (I have no debit card – dumb) so I could pay for my new month of Mysore ($160!) in cash.

Wednesday night I woke up after a terrible night’s sleep and just stayed in bed. Wednesday afternoon, I got a few unexpected stitches, so…

Thursday I stayed home to let my stitches heal. Then I decided that since I only had Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday mornings to do Mysore (Sunday I’d be at ten miler training), it wasn’t worth it to pay for a new month before I went to Texas and got my tonsils out.

So then we get to today, and I decided to go show my face at the studio by attending guided Ashtanga. I don’t know if it’s the week and a half I’ve gone yoga-less or just the nature of the guided class, but boy was that tough! I think it’s because you end up holding each posture a lot longer than when you are doing it at your own pace during Mysore. In any case, there were quite a few beginners in class today, and I felt right at home like I wasn’t quite a beginner anymore. And I did a shoulderstand! Or at least something close to it.

Next up is a 10K tonight, 5 miles tomorrow with my ten miler training group, heading to Texas on Tuesday for a week, back the next Tuesday, tonsillectomy first thing in the morning that Wednesday, then recovery. I’m hoping to be back to Mysore in two to two and a half weeks.

Vacationasana July 22, 2009

Saturday was a lazy, lazy day, with neither running nor yoga.

Sunday then was a 9 hour drive to Hilton Head.

Monday and Tuesday - what happened there? I could say it’s because Tuesday was a moon day, but that was just convenient coincidence.

So this morning I did get up and go to yoga down in the fitness center. There was only one likely spot to put my yoga mat, and a few people didn’t understand that they ought not step on my mat while walking past me. I just kept on practicing. Despite the days without practice, I certainly felt limber enough. And though I thought the fitness center wouldn’t be warm enough, I certainly sweat a decent amount! I had my brother (who was lifting weights) help me pull my hands together behind my back for Marichyasana, and then he looked at me and said, “That looks like it hurts.” But I think it feels great!

After practicing, I went upstairs and did three push-ups, just because I’m so practiced in lowering myself down in chatarunga, but I never actually push UP.

Three more days here before I drive back home, so I suppose I’ll need to pick up the slack for the last several days off. And beyond that, I’m running a 10K on August 1, and I haven’t run more than 4 miles thus far, so I also need to run a couple of 5 mile runs before the weekend is out. Got to get to work!

Feeling lazy July 17, 2009

I practiced this morning after giving myself Thursday off with no guilt. (I’m happy that I can finally manage to let the guilt go, too.) I had to bring our car into the shop at 8:30 am, and I figured that to practice, go cat-sit for a friend, take a second shower, and get to the car dealership by 8:30 am, I would have had to be at yoga at 5:45 am, when Mysore starts. At 5:15 am, when my alarm went off, I granted myself two more hours of sleep – an even trade for the time it would have taken me to drive to Mysore, practice, drive back, and take a second shower. I didn’t regret it.

I have felt a little lazy this week about “not practicing,” but the silly thing is, I have actually practiced four times this week. And on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, the days I didn’t practice, I logged 10 miles of running total. I have clearly not been slacking off. I think I have this impression of not practicing because I’ve alternated Mysore and running, so there aren’t any two days when I’ve done the same thing twice. That space between the Mysore days must be what has given me that feeling of distance from my practice.

I’m seeing a real difference in wide angle C and in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana (hold foot out in front of you posture, haha). These of course are two postures which the instructors almost always come to push me further into the pose. In wide angle C, I am able to bring my arms further above my head and push myself further down independently, before the instructor comes to deepen the pose. Today I was working on keep my legs very, very wide because Instructor A harrasses me about it ( – Okay, he’s not harrassing me, but it is super painful to my legs to be spread so far apart, and he constantly reminds me that they’re called WIDE angles so move those feet! OUCH!), and Instructor B came to push me deeper into the pose, and I felt as though I wanted to just let my legs crumple below me or the long muscles would just snap like rubber bands. I tried to hold it but he stopped pushing me further when I involuntarily gasped. (I should note though that there was no actual damage done; though it hurt quite a bit while in the posture, I apparently did not pass any physical limit that would hurt me later.) With Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana, I’ve gotten several pieces of good advice that have helped me to straighten my leg in front of me. First, push outwards with your big toe. Second, your leg shouldn’t be completely in front of you, but pushed back into your hip pocket. Still, the instructors always come over to support this posture, and today Instructor B reminded me to lift while he supported my leg, saying, “The saying is, ‘Don’t break my arm.’” I was inwardly amused at “the saying,” but glad he’d pointed out that I’d been a bit lazy there.

Sunday we’re off for a vacation to Hilton Head. I’ll be bringing my mat again (made easier because we’re driving this time). We’ll be driving almost all day both Sundays, so that leaves me six days during which I’d like to get in at least four days of practice. I’ll have my computer and update from there!

Marichyasana A! July 15, 2009

Today brought the addition of one of my favorite postures: Marichyasana A! Hooray! Why is it a favorite? I suppose because 1) I have a good bind with a little pulling on my arms by the instructors (I take what I can get!), and 2) it feels SO GOOD on my shoulders. I was incredibly excited to add it at the end of my primary series today.

I’ve been a bit lazy about journaling this week – not coming back and doing it right after yoga or even the same day. It’s too bad because it makes me forget things. For example, I was remembering at Mysore today that when I was doing savasana on Saturday or Monday, I actually had a moment when I managed to really empty my head of thoughts and just lay there and be there. Usually I try to do this by playing through my head what my instructors in France would say: Ne pensez pas a ce que vous allez faire l’apres-midi, a ce que vous allez manger le dejeuner… (Don’t think about what you’re going to do in the afternoon, about what you’ll eat at lunch…); or Feel the pressure of your body against the earth, feel yourself supporting the earth as it supports you. This last sentence was followed by taking inventory of your body, focusing your thoughts on each part of your body singly and moving through, which I find very relaxing (and which sometimes also helps me sleep at night if I need to calm and focus my mind). Often still I don’t achieve any detachment from the world around me, but earlier this week, with my eyes rolled back in my head, it was as if a jelly formed around my thoughts (it really felt like that) and nothing could get in and float straight to my brain to penetrate my moment of quiet. My awareness of this jelly feeling was even detached, as if I were experiencing it from outside of my body.

I think in fact that the awareness of me and my body that Ashtanga gives me might be one of the greatest benefits. And of course I feel great afterwards, and I love a good sweat, and I’m proud of my improvements, and I can touch my toes throughout the day. The list goes on.

Cutting it close July 13, 2009

I have GOT to get to Mysore a tad earlier. Today I only gave myself 45 minutes, and as a result, I was the last person up off the studio floor. Doesn’t lend itself to a good savasana if you know that it’s time to go.

Yesterday, I started training for the Army Ten Miler with the DC Road Runners training program. So no Mysore, but instead I ran 3 miles at a good clip (9:45 miles) in a warmer and more humid outdoors than even the yoga studio is. Practicing yoga 4-6 times a week and running 3-4 times a week will be a new challenge. I don’t think it will be hard to keep up the yoga, but I do anticipate motivational difficulties in running at least twice in between the weekend long runs. However, tomorrow I’ll be doing the Bastille Day Four Miler in Georgetown, which will get a bit more mileage in for me.

Today’s practice was most marked for being very WARM. My body was apparently quite warmed up when I started because I began to sweat before I finished my sun salutation As (long before my eerily regular 4th repetition of sun salutation B). And once I started, I did not stop!

Since I had missed a posture the other day, I had studied my Ashtanga book in between and I made sure to get them all in today (and in the right order!). Because of the late hour I was finishing, I didn’t add any new poses. Tomorrow will be a big day then. First new pose in over a week.

(PS: This is my 20th post, which means it’s my 20th time practicing yoga between June 13th and July 13th. This has been going better than I could have dreamed!)

Back on the mat July 11, 2009

I never do want to get up. I definitely don’t want to get up after having traveled most of the day, then talked on the phone until midnight, then read my book until 1 am, then tossed and turned a bit.

But actually, Trouble helped me today because he has this annoying habit of climbing all over us when he thinks it’s time to get up and then going to chew on something, which always gets a reaction because it’s so annoying. Today, he was knocking things off my nightstand. That intrusion prepared me for the alarm, so I actually got up and showered and went to Mysore like I should.

I felt very sore when I got up, and I assumed that I was so stiff from the plane that my practice would be somewhat limited today. Once in the studio though, I warmed up quickly and felt a great relief to be back there.

I’ve never made it to Saturday morning Mysore, and there’s a different instructor then (we have an Instructor C, folks!). She helped me with Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana (do I know how that’s pronounced? no), where you hold your leg out in front of you, then to the side, etc. With her guidance and physical support, I was able to fully extend my left leg, without bending over at the waist, without bending my right knee. Wow. Progress with someone holding your leg up is still progress.

When I got into primary, I felt a little bit like I’d forgotten the sequence, and in fact I did forget to do Purvottanasana, where you put your hands behind your hips and then point your toes and lift your hips. But other than that, the rest of the sequence was right. I’m sure the omission is actually what tripped me up in remembering if I was doing the sequence of the rest of the poses around then correctly. I stopped with Janu Sirsasana C again because I’d taken a few days off prior to this, and I wanted to just solidify what I’d had before today. So I did closing and savasana and finished just exactly at 9:50 am (after 50 minutes of practice today), which is when Mysore ends on Saturday.

On my way out, I ducked my head in and actually introduced myself to Instructor C, and Instructor A was there (to teach the guided Ashtanga class next). We had a short conversation:

A: So you’re back for a week?

Me: Yep, one week. I tried to practice while I was in Saint John. But my mother-in-law got it into her head that she wanted to just “follow along” and I really wanted to tell her she wasn’t taking this seriously enough.

A: Yeah, it’s not really something where you can just follow along!

Me: I know. We did it once, and then I was like, “This is really impeding my practice.”

C: Good for you, setting boundaries!

I laughed, and they laughed, and I left, but really I didn’t set boundaries by telling my mother-in-law that it was impeding my practice; instead I just didn’t practice for the rest of the week, which is unfortunately not the same thing. (Boundaries by avoidance?)

But boy does it feel good to be back to my own personal practice.

In which our heroine practices with her mother-in-law July 6, 2009

Suffice it to say that this was, indeed, a bad idea. My practice – our practice – took fully an hour and 10 minutes to do what I normally do in 45-50 minutes. I alternated between explaining what we were going to do and letting her just follow along doing it halfway or just plain wrong. She would sometimes try to mirror me and have her arms or legs in the wrong position, and you can’t exactly correct someone and do your pose and breathing at the same time. So for the most part, I didn’t say anything, but I wondered if she’d be really hurting tomorrow or not feeling anything at all because it hadn’t been at all effective. When I finished Sun Salutation B, she asked did I want to go wipe the sweat off my face. <Palm meets forehead.> I felt bad for her too, because she spent a lot of time looking to the side or looking up to see what I was doing, which obviously is making the postures she’s trying to hold a bit more ineffectual because she actually wasn’t holding them all that long. And would you believe I completely forgot to do standing forward bends OF ALL THINGS??? It’s just an indicator of how focused I was on what she was doing, and not on what I was doing in what should have been my own practice.

During savasana, I told her that we’d rest for about five minutes, then showed her how to roll to the side out of it, and do a few breaths of child’s pose to finish. I knew that I was always uncertain at first of how long to do savasana, so I wanted her to be able to stop when she was ready, knowing it would probably be before me. Indeed, I heard her stirring beside me, uncertain, then lay still again. Then again, she stirred, and I found that I wouldn’t really be able to rest much longer without thoughts in my mind (it’s hard enough to try to let the thoughts slide by in the studio after a proper practice), so I got up. She said, “I was sure 5 minutes had gone by, and I thought you were falling asleep. You weren’t falling asleep, were you?” I laughed and said no, but that sometimes I feel like it would be very nice to, but inside I was having some feelings that were counter to the practice I had just completed.

I don’t mean to rag on her, as a beginner. I was certainly a beginner once, and am not much more than one now. (Perhaps I’d say I’m still a novice.) But I’ve always approached yoga with some respect – not expecting that I could just do everything, not expecting it to be easy, and not taking it lightly. And now my feelings towards yoga are even more respectful, as I see myself developing a practice. Rather than “doing yoga” or “going to yoga” now, I feel more like I am “practicing yoga.” So it’s hard for me to resolve that with the thoughts of someone who isn’t all that concerned with learning the right way to go about the postures or taking it (yoga, Ashtanga, my practice) that seriously.

Since I’m post-dating this blog post, I can tell you that my response to this all was to avoid practicing for the rest of the week. I ended up getting really sick this day, then took it easy the next day, got up early for several hours of snorkeling the next day, and got up semi-early the two days after that (for snorkeling one day, then going to the airport the next), and I used all of those little things as excuses as to why I wouldn’t be practicing the rest of the week. But that’s an unfortunate outcome to somebody who bothered to pack a yoga mat in her carry-on.

Carry-on yoga July 5, 2009

Not having found the Yogitoes towel in the color I wanted, I decided to bring my yoga mat with me, and I rolled it into a duffel bag and carried it on the plane to my island vacation.

I’d had such a great practice on Friday that I was excited to continue with self-practice during the week I was on vacation. Allen wanted to practice with me, so I helped him through Surya Namaskara A and the closing postures before doing my own practice.

The main thing I remember (as I’m post-dating this blog post) from my practice that day is that I was very stiff from the airplane – and that I realized what the little white spots on my mat were: little balls of deodorant that fell from under my armpits and were smushed onto the mat during practice. (I hadn’t thought they were sweat, and I was sure they weren’t mold.) I had a satisfying 45 minutes of practice and went upstairs for breakfast.

Allen’s mom caught me at breakfast and said she’d like to do yoga with us tomorrow. I said she could do what Allen was doing – just sun salutation A and maybe B and then closing, and that it would take about 30 minutes. She said that, oh no, she wanted to do everything I was doing. I explained that I’d been going to classes to learn the sequence and that it would make more sense as a beginner to just do a shorter version, and that it would take a long time for me to explain everything that I was doing. She insisted that she would just follow along with what I was doing without asking questions, and do everything I did.

Sigh. What was I supposed to say? I don’t want to say, “No, that’s totally inappropriate.” I was worried that she’d hurt herself. You really can’t just follow along and do it right with absolutely no explanation of breathing and postures, especially when you’ve never done Ashtanga before. Not only that, I knew that my practice would suffer as a result. But I don’t feel that I can confront my mother-in-law (she’s not MY mom, and I’m a guest in her house), and I don’t want to hurt her feelings either. So I just said okay. But I wish she’d realize that I actually take this pretty seriously.

Now I know my ABCs (Janu Sirsusana-style) July 3, 2009

I have got to pay better attention. I think I was the only one at Mysore this morning who didn’t know that we were on a later schedule because of the holiday, so I was so confused when people were coming in after I got there at 7:20 am. (Frankly, too, I was late for how long I thought I needed to practice if I were going to be done by 8:00 am!) Anyway, it’s a good thing because I didn’t finish my practice until 8:10 or 8:15!

As usual, Sun Salutation B was a total chore. I have to keep reminding myself, “I didn’t come here to be lazy!” I lost count, but figured that as usual, the repetition of B during which I started to sweat must be the fourth. I had no clues that this would be a spectacular practice for me!

Everything was just going as it should – the usual attempts to flex and achieve the poses – but during the wide angles, I started to feel some improvements on earlier practices. During A, I was able to put my palms flat on the ground and push myself deeper into the pose. (Usually I can get my fingers on the ground and maybe even start to lay my fingers flat, but this was easily my fingers and whole palms.) During C, Instructor B came over to push my torso forward and my arms up and over my head. (Still, I had trouble reaching my toes completely for D.)

It was when I got to the seated forward bends that another significant improvement showed through. Instructor B saw that I’d caught strong hold of the sides of my foot (which I normally am barely able to do, if at all). He came up, muttering happily, “It’s time for more poses; it’s time to go deeper!” He pushed forward on my back, allowing me suddenly to get an even better grip on my feet, which I took and could hold. It was the farthest I’d ever gotten into that pose, and it felt good, like I was doing it right, and not at all “far.”

For the second day in a row, I felt very strong during the vinyasas. I think a lot has to do with the contrast between my arm strength in those first guided Ashtanga classes I was coming back to yoga and my arm strength three weeks into Mysore. Did you get your tickets to the gun show?

I told Instructor B that I was going on vacation for a week – (I plan to practice while I’m away, but I’m not certain that I’ll be able to post daily) – and asked if I should add on two poses today. He said yes and gave me both janu sirsusana B and C. I was enjoying the commentary and explanations on both of them. For B, he was trying to explain where my heel should go (but I already knew it was supposed to go under the perineum). He said, “We don’t like to talk about this, but it goes between your genitals.” Through the force of maturity or yoga, I don’t know, but I did not laugh. Then for C, I put my feet in place and felt like I was going to break a toe off with my weight. I didn’t say anything though, and he said, “If you feel like your toes are breaking, you’re doing it right.” Oh good! I’m doing it right!

I wrapped up, and got a few parting words of advice during Utpluthee (Name of Which I Know But Am Not Sure How to Pronounce) to bring my arms forward a bit and lift my knees, which then immediately engaged my core about 100% more than it was before. Instructor B said, “Weight forward, knees up, engage that core – that’s all I ask.” I said, “Is that it?” (You know, as I literally trembled in my skin from the effort. I should have been breathing, not working on my not-so-pithy comebacks.) And finally, savasana, and I did feel the benefits of my practice throughout my body. What a great practice to end on before a vacation – it’s real motivation to keep going even while I’m away.

Pose the Name of Which I Do Not Know July 2, 2009

Back to Mysore this morning, in a lovely new shirt. (Not that that’s important, but having great wicking and comfortable gear makes me feel better while practicing, so there!) I was so ready to go because I woke up with a sore neck (must have done something wrong at Lululemon yoga yesterday – like maybe not been warmed up enough!).

I thought about the blog when I got to Sun Salutation B and started to sweat right on track on the fourth one. I always want to skip them, thinking that three is okay, but I force myself to keep going through them.

Today’s forward bend was a toes-only bind. I focused on the position of my torso during triangles and side angles. I haven’t been able to bring my hand down to the ground at all during side angle B lately either. Maybe tomorrow. Instructor B helped me hold my leg out to the front and side. I don’t feel like I’m getting any closer to doing that by myself there, but the silly part of that is that I already can do so much more than I’d done in the guided Ashtanga classes of weeks past (which feel so long ago now, after almost three weeks of Mysore)!

I learned a new pose, of course, which I will call, as I call them all: Pose the Name of Which I Do Not Know. Let’s see. This one required me to put the bottom of my foot flat against my thigh and bend forward to hold on to my foot. Instructor B told me to think about this pose as a twisting of the torso.(Reflecting on this and describing it in my blog has got to be helping me learn the sequence and the details of each pose!) I felt strong while doing the vinyasas in between seated today. I focused on getting my shoulders all the way above my hands before lowering into chatarunga.

I killed my feet after yoga by running to the bus in totally inappropriate shoes and then walking up and down Georgetown a million times (four lengths of Georgetown, to be exact). I’m hoping that they, and my legs, and my knees will all be okay for Mysore tomorrow!

After Mysore tomorrow, I’ll be taking Saturday off because it’s my travel day to St. John. Then I’ll practice during my week away (not Tuesday because it’s a moon day), and I’ll be back to guided Ashtanga on Saturday, I hope! (Or perhaps I’ll just be back to Mysore on Saturday. We’ll see.)